Sitting, waiting, wishing... No, really. Jack Johnson style. I've just come home from seeing, "The 40 Year Old Virgin" which I dragged my dad to, under the plan that I needed to see a movie before I leave for Japan. Bloody hilarious film, if you get a chance, see it. (It also has the "Serenity" trailer, which comes out September 30th. This is WHILE I'm away in Japan, and I am not impressed. Based on the Joss Whedon series "Firefly"; rent the DVDs. I will stop the pitch now.) Anyways, brought me back to my earlier days (highschool) when B.C.C. put on a production of "Hair". I can't recall now whether I was in southern France, or at the UN in NYC, but I know I missed out on that. So, hearing "Age of Aquarius" brought the memories back. Memories of not being here, of missing everything, of missing my friends, my loved ones, on memories being made without me. That's a little melancholy, perhaps, but I have TWO, count 'em two, nights left in this beautiful, sometimes infuriating, nation and I'm a bit scared and a bit sad.

I feel like I need more time. Maybe I will always feel like that, but tonight it is especially intense. Tomorrow is IT. The last and final full 24 hours on the continent. (I make it sound like a death sentence, but I AM excited and I AM coming home.) There are things I truly wanted to do before I left. (And not people; come on, ladies, minds OUT of the gutter… I prefer staring at the stars. Mr. Wilde was one smart motherfucker.) Oh, the clock just hit 12. TODAY is it. Jeesh. It’s this battle. I’m trying not to let myself beginning missing my home until I’m gone. It’s a losing battle so far. My eyes are misting even now, how pathetic is that? I feel some idiotic angst-y teen right now. I’m not like that, either, which makes it even worse.

Today felt like an empty spending spree, although I “needed” everything I purchased. Never have I been so maple-leaf-crazed before. I must have about 30 cheesy keychains in my possession now. (Did you ever notice, and abhor, those people who say “keyfob”? As though it’s a real word, and yes I’m aware it is, but phone sex is a real term and yet, you don’t hear me tossing that garbage around, either.) And a Canadian baseball cap, and stickers and temporary tattoos, and those weird puff-out hairbrushes with maple leaves on them… And pens. Truthfully, I spent more time in the trashy dollar store today than I ever have before. BUT I did pick up a cute she-devil accessory kit for Hallowe’en in Japan, which I realize may not really occur, but there are other Westerners, and Hallowe’en is truly a hallowed day for me. I adore it. I just kind of doubted I could pull of GoGo Yubari when there are actual Gogo-lookalikes running rampant through Japan. Likely a wise decision.

I have recently realized I adore parentheses. Maybe it’s because I’m curvy and I feel a certain empathy with those beautiful wavy lines. They just hug my words. I sound like a nutcase, don’t I? *sigh* It’s because I’m so sleepy. I’m exhausted, but I’m too wound up to rest decently. I’m not really crazy. Well, maybe during that time in highschool, but… yeah, just ask my friend Heather. She’ll tell you, once I was worthy of actually having a saying. (“I pulled a Hillary…” when someone fell apart emotionally…) Now, I am the picture *mostly* of stability and well-adjustedness. Oh, WORD did not like the ness I added on there. Fuck you, Mr. Gates. I’m not usually so vulgar actually. (Stop laughing, … I was going to add a name, and then I just couldn’t choose. Sorry.)

So, I’m thinking, this COULD be the year for so many things. I can’t picture myself in Japan, despite it being mere hours away now, but I think it will be amazing. Also, can’t imagine myself in a suit in front of a group of people, teaching them English. But I will be by the end of next week! Or a few days later, anyway.

*Sigh* I’m going to attempt to sleep. I’ll let you know how it goes.